I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
