Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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