i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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