Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
