I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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