She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The Olympian is in my bed
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
