ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
