I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
