Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My feet surprised me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
