I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
