Welp...herpes.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
