i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
