So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
