he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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