then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Pooping to opera.
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