my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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