First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
