i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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