sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
