how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
