Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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