lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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