we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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