can u get pink eye on your cock?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
