god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
