as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
