9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
