we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
