Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
