i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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