tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
