I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
