sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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