how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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