apparently the secret to your success is patron
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I love having hate sex.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
