Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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