Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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