i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
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She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
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Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize