Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
