Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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