it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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