apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
