an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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