my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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