you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
