the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We're too hungover to prance.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
