the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
