i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
