Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Are we still banned from the library?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
