kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
