first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
