you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
