I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
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I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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