ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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