I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
