Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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