I wannas sexs uuuuu
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
