What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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