Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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